The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
