Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
