I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize