I bet he comes in French.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
