hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
