I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
