also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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