Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
