Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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