Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think I sprained my soul last night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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