Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
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I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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