I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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