I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
