she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
