Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends

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  (908): I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends http://tfl.nu/6cx1
  Replies (68) Good night (1316) Bad night (6413)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day

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  (202): i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day http://tfl.nu/prhf
  Replies (18) Good night (6397) Bad night (514)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.

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  (860): So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this. http://tfl.nu/j4ab
  Replies (5) Good night (4704) Bad night (865)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"

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  (757): Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT" http://tfl.nu/x7ms
  Replies (22) Good night (14293) Bad night (1348)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever

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  (503): There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever http://tfl.nu/502h
  Replies (3) Good night (3603) Bad night (1595)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...

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  (303): Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time... http://tfl.nu/53f4
  Replies (4) Good night (2306) Bad night (990)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy

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  (785): Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy http://tfl.nu/oyu4
  Replies (10) Good night (2550) Bad night (862)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience

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  (978): Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience http://tfl.nu/snc8
  Replies (12) Good night (2630) Bad night (741)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?

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  (203): Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high? http://tfl.nu/olxn
  Replies (8) Good night (785) Bad night (2247)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.

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  (905): Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today. http://tfl.nu/u9so
  Replies (37) Good night (1217) Bad night (2884)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.

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  (561): I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree. http://tfl.nu/yxk6
  Replies (11) Good night (1472) Bad night (487)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON

  (+61): View more from Australia

  SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE

  (+61): View more from Australia

  THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.

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  (+61): BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON (+61): SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE (+61): THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL. http://tfl.nu/d007
  Replies (9) Good night (1382) Bad night (438)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.

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  (309): you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits. http://tfl.nu/xhq2
  Replies (1) Good night (671) Bad night (276)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.

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  (859): Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night. http://tfl.nu/d9pf
  Replies (4) Good night (750) Bad night (218)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?

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  (586): I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going? http://tfl.nu/v2ci
  Replies (5) Good night (684) Bad night (310)

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