How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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