Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(719): View more from Colorado

I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...

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(719): I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel... http://tfl.nu/j6ej

Replies (13) Good night (2591) Bad night (596)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.

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(262): Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face. http://tfl.nu/let7

Replies (4) Good night (715) Bad night (3419)
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(256): View more from Alabama

he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.

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(256): he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker. http://tfl.nu/xdnw

Replies (60) Good night (720) Bad night (4107)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.

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(651): Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love. http://tfl.nu/7dfa

Replies (15) Good night (6578) Bad night (1092)
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(916): View more from California

Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.

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(916): Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity. http://tfl.nu/tb29

Replies (4) Good night (3177) Bad night (975)
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(317): View more from Indiana

He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...

(1-317): View more from Indiana

He's the fucking cop whisperer.

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(317): He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him... (1-317): He's the fucking cop whisperer. http://tfl.nu/3vvt

Replies (25) Good night (11243) Bad night (1000)
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(515): View more from Iowa

Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.

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(515): Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker. http://tfl.nu/28bg

Replies (18) Good night (6595) Bad night (876)
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(260): View more from Indiana

the scent of your tears make me crave pizza

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(260): the scent of your tears make me crave pizza http://tfl.nu/lvf8

Replies (7) Good night (1051) Bad night (813)
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(260): View more from Indiana

DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER

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(260): DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER http://tfl.nu/2v94

Replies (6) Good night (695) Bad night (1440)
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(972): View more from Texas

I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.

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(972): I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls. http://tfl.nu/wzfh

Replies (9) Good night (2906) Bad night (761)
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(515): View more from Iowa

Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?

(515): View more from Iowa

Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...

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(515): Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis? (515): Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you... http://tfl.nu/0yf4

Replies (4) Good night (748) Bad night (348)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.

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(774): On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke. http://tfl.nu/xwsd

Replies (3) Good night (676) Bad night (355)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?

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(614): Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"? http://tfl.nu/ki2a

Replies (11) Good night (852) Bad night (399)
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(602): View more from Arizona

I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time

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(602): I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time http://tfl.nu/slkz

Replies (3) Good night (761) Bad night (233)
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(256): View more from Alabama

Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.

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(256): Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list. http://tfl.nu/u42n

Replies (0) Good night (419) Bad night (346)

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