Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
