so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize