It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
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if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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