I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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