i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
