Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I would ride that face into the sunset
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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