It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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