he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
