your parents love me but you hate me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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