My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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