my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
