"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
tell me about the fingering
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