this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
