so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
