matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
