Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
