nut hugger
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
