The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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