I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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