I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
