Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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