I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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