I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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