Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
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Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
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I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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