Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
