Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
