I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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