K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
