I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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