just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
