Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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