She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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