My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
