3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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