I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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