these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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