she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
