If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
