ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
