So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
