This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
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She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
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It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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