he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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