you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize