the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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