im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
