he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
