would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
