Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
